Haven't been bloggerific in ages. Things are pretty good, other than falling off the wagon on Saturday. I need to doubly focus on taking for of myself, esp when I still feel awful 3 days later.
I've been really happy and healthy except for those couple times this month when I thought partying would be a good idea. I was very very wrong.

On the bright side, I've lost nearly 20 lbs since July, and feel so much better. My depression has been lessened, and good things are coming my way in the next few months. Hopefully those things will not be accompanied by vodka.

Just a phase... or ready to move back home?

So I don't know its the struggle with depression, a phase of being homesick, or I've seen what i needed to here in SF. But lately, I've been seriously having the urge to move back. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my salon. I miss summer weather.

There is no such thing as summer in San Francisco.

I have decided not to do anything rash. Maybe starting school next week will help me feel more purpose in my life. Also, I'd like to be debt free and depression free before I do anything. So I wouldn't leave for at least a year. But as I get older I realize my sister will be starting a family soon enough and rest of my family is in Seattle.

Recycle, c'mon

I have recently had some moral dilemmas with the recycling issue in my professional and personal life. Why doesn't eveyone just recycle. I have a friend who appalled me when I went to visit in Seattle earlier this year didn't recycle. I thought that i changed his ways when he started to recycle while i was in town. I just spoke with him. No recycling unless its a big box that won't fit in the garbage can. Hell no!

Also we don't have recycling at work, and it makes me sad, very very sad.

Depression and Other People's projection.

Lately I haven't really been at my best, but I think I should at least be proud that I"m doing something to improve my quality of life. I recently decided enough is enough. I have begun the journey to improve mental health via: individual therapy, group therapy, and possibility of antidepressants. Last night I entered the world of group therapy aka Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This entails bacially changing the way you think and act in order to change your quality of life. As a self proclaimed negative thinker, this will prove to help me.

As far as other stuff going on , the home front proves to be an issue as well. One person in particular is so oblivious to people around them, he continues to disrespect us all. If life were easy we could just tell him to move out and move on, but i don't see that happening. If he could just see how he negatively treats other people and be aware of his own actions it would be better.
His altered view on reality is making it hard for anyone to live happily in the house.

taking control of my life

I have lived with depression a good portion of my life. Most of the time it seems manageable. If i take good care of myself. Eat well, exercise and have a positive attitude. Lately it has snuck back into my life at full force, and with the worst timing. Maybe its a culmination of all the change that is entering my life, as well as starting to date someone. It has been about 3 years since I have opened up to anyone. Cameron left me with scars that are slow to heal even now. Letting someone know who i really am is an almost impossible task.
Last night, too many cocktails, along with other factors, I was bawling uncontrollably. Unable to know the reason of my despair. I could not breathe. Once again I pushed someone I care about away because I felt that being alone was the only option. I told him to leave only minutes later realizing that i actually do want him here. He is one of the most understanding people i have met in a long time.

I awoke this morning feeling distraught and embarrassed. I would like to have known Devin longer than a month before he could see everything about me. But it was all put out in the open. As ugly as it can be. Me, a confusing mess of a person as of now.
I don't like this part of myself, it scares me when it comes out.
I just want to help myself be the happy me.

Corey and Corey

Yo! So as many of my close friend know already, I"m into 80's movies( esp with Molly Ringwald) and all things New Wave.

Lately as I've been exploring Netflix, I"ve noticed that the theme of "body switching" was really prevelent during this Era. This month I feel like I have watched about 4 "Freaky Friday" type 80's movies. I recent fav. starred the 2 Corey's: Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. I don't care what anyone thinks, "Lost Boys" rules, even though they were stupid enough to make a sequel recently.

Anyhoo, "Dream a Little Dream" is where an old man mediates and ends up in Corey Feldman's body. Add it to your queue.

Istanbul... or bust!

So I am now planning on going to Istanbul , Turkey, September 2009, for 2 weeks. Its time to travel again, and im meeting my buddy Vy, who will be finishing up a stint in the Peace Corps in that area, so we are going to meet up. Travelling rules. Fierce!

Enon

I get to see this awesome band on Sunday April 13 at Bottom of the Hill. :)

BSG

That is short for Battlestar Galactica, one of my favorite shows at the moment. I had just finished watching the 3rd season on DVD, when my mom, another avid fan of the show, said Season 4 episodes are available online! Now I wont be out of the loop during the final season. I hope they find Earth!

p.s. been so busy haven't been able to post much lately.

Radiohead

So I heard some great news this weekend. Probably one of my favorite bands of all time is touring again this August. They are playing a 3 day festival in Golden Gate Park, and my lovely room mate Tia, is letting me in for free. How you ask? She used to work for a beverage catering company and is still involved with some events. This being one of them. Not only do i get to see Radiohead, its on someone elses dime.

I heart Radiohead.

Apparently, I look about 21 -23. Score!

I'm a giant...

or so it seems. I've had this idea in my head that I am uber tall. When in fact I"m just above average height 5'7'' barefoot 5'8'' with shoes. I usually tell people my calculation with shoes on. Sometimes I wish i was taller, but when it comes to hanging out with a special someone, I have to be the shorty.
What's with societal norms that the guy should be taller than the girl?

parallel parking

i find it amusing when people just dont know how to parallel park. Its sorta beyond me because i got the 45 degree angle when manuevering the vehicle. This morning on my way to work this woman was struggling, and she had the largest spot possible with no car behind her. I was waiting to cross the street and she kept going forward and back over and over again. I couldnt help but giggle to myself. How can you drive and everyday for years and not learn.

My job is going well, and i was pleasantly surprised by my first paycheck.

Roomate situation is hopfully under control. I have just never encountered someone so obliviously to people and things around them. Raver music too loud, inimate moments with others too loud, windows left open, waste of valuable resources.

It has been a minute since ive written anything.
And many things have happened.
I got a job! I now have a good ol' grown up job working as an office assistant at Parnassus Heights Podiatry, only 4 blocks from my house. What can beat a 7 minute commute? A raise for one and a non stressful environment.
On the bad side, i hurt my shoulder really bad from working out im guessing. I"m on the 3rd day of off and on horrible pain, and immobility. I'm even having trouble walking. So even though i do walk 4 blocks to work its been talking me about twice as long to limp over there. Its funny how you may have an injury in your shoulder but it effects everything you do, even the simple things like walking.
I"m hopeful I"ll be ok in the next week or so.
It's 70 degrees and sunny here right now! i love San Francisco spring.

I've got the travel bug again. Bad. Dreams of Europe and Thailand. I wish it really could be financially possible for me right now. I hate how money runs peoples lives.
Omg, the weather has been AWFUL here lately. Haight Street lost power for about an hour yesterday and it wasn't even that stormy out then. Rain, wind and crap.

How does one become good at interviews? I've been getting my practice lately. I have one in an hour. They always seem so awkward, forced and insincere.
I"m doing more with my unemployed days. I took a yoga class. Yoga is VERY challenging. I don't think flexibility runs in my family unfortunately. But i do feel really good once i get out of there, other than being sore. I got a couple passes from my friend's roommate that i wanted to use up before I am not available during the week. Yay to free stuff, esp. when you cannot spend money. I also scored free snacks from my gym Curves, and free movie passes to "Penelope" on Tuesday.

each night counts for something
or else we'd all
go mad.

-Bukowski

A year, really?

So, I've been in San Francisco a year as of last Friday.
In some ways it feels longer, but also i feel like i just got here and nothing has been accomplished.
I recently did something irresponsible( big surprise) and quit my job.
See I was working as a receptionist at a spa. Needless to say in normal circumstances, not my dream job, but i would be happy to be employed. But the thing is i worked for a tyrant, this woman wouldn't ever be satisfied with anything you did at work, and i was busting my balls, for nothing! Once you cry a few times at work, its done, over, finito.
This is what she said to me that day( cant quote verbatim sorry)" You do a good job, but not a great job.", also " You are not a self starter". Oh hellz no lady. I"m a humble person by all means, but i know i am a great employee, and after a year of hell and not being appreciated or pay what im worth, I said bye bye.

Man once you give notice at work, it becomes almost impossible to go back. You are completely checked out. By the end of 3 weeks, i was not myself. I was sarcastic, cynical, sorta bitchy. Oh wells! I was happy i learned to say no. I should apply this to other aspects in my life.

After I quit work, i got really sick. I am a homebody i will admit, but a week in bed in my bedroom, i was going crazy. I"m still tired, what the hell?
Now, I"m going to take a nap, im my cave.